Ah lads, it’s only roasting out this summer and I’ve spent most of my time the past two months having mild panic attacks about my plants instead of actually, well, watering them.

I mean, look, that would be fine if I had lots of free time to get to the allotment, but with a wedding to plan, a couple of newspapers to edit and the world’s most demanding dog constantly flinging tennis balls in my general direction, I spend more time worrying about watering than actually watering.

We’ve had a bit of a reprieve this week with some typical Irish summer weather: sideways rain, drizzly rain, warm rain, that rain that doesn’t look like its raining but f***ing drowns you the second you walk outside (you know the one, also known as bastardin’ rain in my house).

But these little tips might help when the weather inevitably dries up again. Because it will, because the earth is on fire, because apparently it’s easier to set shit on fire than it is to, oh I don’t know, learn how to grow your own food, or use your legs to walk places instead of driving everywhere in tin cans fuelled by setting dinosaur bones on fire… imagine?

Anyway, if you are worried about your garden or keeping your pants healthy in a heatwave, I have a few little filthy tips to help you out.

1. GET YOUR FINGERS RIGHT IN THERE

Literally. Check your soil regularly, especially if you are growing in containers. A handy way to check is to sink a finger all the way into the soil. If it’s dry, it’s time to water.

2. DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET FILTHY

Add some mulch to your soil. A layer of mulch around your plants will help keep nutrients in and protect your soil from drying out too quickly.

3. GET IN THERE GOOD AND DEEP

It’s far better to water your soil well instead of giving it a little sprinkle. if just the top of the soil gets wet, that’s not helping your your roots. It’s better to water deeply a few times a week than to give it a light drizzle every day.

4. IT’S BETTER IN THE MORNING

It’s best to water your plants early in the morning or late in the evening.

If you water in the hot sunshine, the water will evaporate before it gets to the roots.

5. TURN DOWN THE LIGHTS

If you have plants in containers, they will dry out much faster than those in the ground. Move them to a shady part of your garden so they don’t get scorched.